Book Review: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti

My last few reviews have all been five stars– probably because I’m excited to talk about books I love–so today I thought I’d talk about one that was less than stellar.

It’s a little different than the normal fictional books that I review here, but it is on relationships, and this month the month of hearts and candy so this is a good opportunity to bring it up.

So without further ado, here is the review (I didn’t mean for that to be a cheesy rhyme πŸ˜› ).

 

 

men are like waffles women are like spaghetti

This book had some good information but their classification of men and women is a bit too clichΓ©.

I like their advice on communication and overcoming problems. They suggest that couples make a list of things in life that are important to them: successful careers, having a clean house, maintaining a healthy body, spending time with children, alone time, time with one another, hobbies, having a nice car, etc…. Then each person would give it number from one to three. One meaning it’s very important and three meaning it isn’t. This is very helpful in seeing the differences and similarities in what you and your partner value in life so you can see where conflicts may arise.

The part I didn’t like about the book was the way that men were portrayed as neanderthals who could think of nothing but sex and how women were portrayed as mindless creatures who rambled on and on about nothing.

While I do agree that men and women have differences, they were exaggerated in this book to the point of being insulting. Men, just because they are men, are not incapable of conversing. Women, just because they are women, don’t constantly feel the need to jabber endlessly.

There are plenty of men who talk more than women and plenty women who don’t de-stress by immediately getting on the phone to gab to their friends while cleaning something (an actual example from the book).

Some women (me included) would rather retreat to a “man cave” and not be bothered while working on a project. Because (guess what?) some women are introverts!

They also seemed to think women get their self worth from their kids and the condition of their house. As a woman who plans to never have children and who feels a lot more satisfaction after writing a blog post or finishing a painting than cleaning the house, I just can’t relate to that, nor do I think that every woman sees home and kids as the ultimate goal in her life.

I’m not even sure I buy into the whole “waffle box” and “spaghetti” thing. They say that women are great multitask and will have no problem doing several things at once, but I can’t stand being interrupted and want to do one thing at a time and finish whatever I’m working on before moving to the next task.

Women are also supposed to jump topics in conversation more while men want to focus on one thing at a time. This sounds more like an extrovert/introvert type thing. Extroverts typically cover a broad amount of topics while introverts will talk about one topic for hours.

I feel that they are “dumbing down” men and women by lumping them into stereotypical categories rather than helping them.

This book has some good exercises, like making a list of free ways to make your partner feel loved and the one I mentioned above, but if you are looking to understand your partner better, it would be more helpful for each of you to take the Myers Brigg personality test and discuss your results.

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22 thoughts on “Book Review: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti”

  1. Sounds like another case of clumping the men together, the women together, and ignoring the individual, and the couple’s present circumstances which can have such an influence on what’s happening. True, there are differences, but they seem to evade all attempts to over-simplify.
    Nice review. πŸ™‚

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    1. I agree that there are differences between men and women, but anytime groups are clumped together all that comes up is a bunch of stereotypes that just annoys everybody. There’s so much more to people than gender, and tying to understand them without looking at all the other complexities that make an individual ends in a very shallow, mistaken view.
      Thanks! Glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, there is so much more to an individual than simply being a man or a woman. And what would have been classified as “woman behaviors” or “men behaviors” a century ago has changed. Men can enjoy cooking. Women work outside of the house. These types of stereotypes are forced on us be the society in which we live. Just because so many years ago, it was rare to find a woman being anything but a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean that all or most woman have the single aspiration of being at home with kids the rest of their lives. It was simply what was expected of them, and it was harder for them to get into the workforce.
        It is unfair to say you know someone’s personality or dreams and aspirations simple because of roles that society places on gender. Or because of gender period.

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      2. But even those outdated stereotypes didn’t come close to the truth for many people. I remember my father taught me to knit, and my grandfather used to look forward to my grandma going to stay with one of her sister so he could cook himself a decent meal. In that same family, going back two more generations, Gt-whatever Grandma Lizzie was a much respected schoolmistress despite she had two illegitimate sons, the first born when she was 15. Scandalous. Yet apparently not.
        It was common practice for women to work in their husband’s or father’s trade; and during the years of Black Death both sexes sought employment away from hime, and saved like crazy to buy their own place, man and women both.
        When you stert to investigate, you realise you’ve been sold some atypical stereotypes, possibly constructed to allow our fore-mothers something to kick against.
        There always were individuals, but no one waves a banner and chant: Give Little Lilian a chance of a job!’

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh yeah, I definitely don’t think that the stereotypes fit people anymore then than they do now. Everyone had different skills and interests, and gender doesn’t determine that.
        Interesting history lesson…I guess some things are exaggerated. But I do think there were some roles that were frowned upon for men or women to do. Like women joining the army for instance. In the civil war, if a woman wanted to fight she had to pretend to me a man.
        The roles that men and women play have been expanded and aren’t as boxed in as they use to be.

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      4. By long tradition it’s preferred that women stay in a safe and protected place during times of war, and other dangers. Cos those women are the mothers of the next generation, while men are expendable.
        And it has always been preferred that men are not allowed free access to women and children because … as the news now overflows with cases, a small minority of them just can’t help taking liberties.
        All in all there was no prejudice against women. But about men. As there still is. #MeToo. See what I mean? See any women being charhed with offences that these days require no solid evident, merely a finger that points and a mouth that screams.
        Sorry, somehow I slepped onto my soapbox, I could delete this comment (you may do so) bu I prefer to leave it. πŸ™‚

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      5. As long as it isn’t slandering someone else, I’m good with it being on here. I think people should be able to express their opinions, as long as they aren’t simply hating on someone (looking at you YouTube comments).
        I do think that many people take advantage of the ease in which people believe assault when coming from a man. I do think there are times when women are sexually harassed )and know two people personally who have had it happen to them) and I’m thankful for protection and justice in true cases. But it is sad to see that men have to live in fear, constantly double checking themselves of every move. 😦 What happened to innocent until proven guilty? Not innocent until found a man.

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      6. I was afraid I’d overstepped the mark there. But it is a sad state at which we’ve arrived, and it cannot lead to good. In their attempts to shed their own stereotyping, they now have grouped all men together and served them an equally harsh, or I might say harsher, dich of the same. Harsher, since no one ever slapped a woman in jail based on her gender alone.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Exactly. Why is it that the only way to have “equality” is to treat the group we feel is responsible for the mistreatment the same way the “offended” party has been treated.
        I feel it’s the same way with race sometimes.
        It’s almost like people don’t really want things to be equal. They want the other group to pay.
        But can’t they see this sort of behavior puts them right in the place of the oppressors they are so concerned about overthrowing?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ugh, that kind of simplification of (assumed and half the time, totally made up) gender differences drives me nuts! All those “men and women are from different planets” stereotyping is exactly the opposite of what a couple needs if they’re trying to actually understand each other as individual people.

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    1. Yes! Couldn’t agree more. There is more to someone than their gender. If my boyfriend decided that he knew everything about me simply because he “knew what girls are like” I would be offended (and probably bump him on the spot πŸ˜› ). There’s so much more to an individual than being a man or woman. I do think that there are some differences between the two, but not this exaggerated amount. Why else can you explain how I feel more of a kindred spirit to some guys than I would certain girls? I really think the the Myers Briggs personality types gives a much more accurate way to understand people.

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      1. I’ve seen a lot of those gender differences over my career as a sociologist, and even the ones that are statistically significant still mean more overlap than not. But even talking about it this way leads to self-fulfilling stereotypes – assuming the reason someone did or thought something was because of their gender instead of for any number of other reasons.

        It reminds me of those men who say idiotic things like, “I don’t understand what women want,” as though ALL women want the same thing. And what it really means is, he can’t be bothered to treat this particular woman like an individual person and find out what *she* wants.

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      2. Oh my goodness! Yes, that phrase is just a bit condescending. No one likes to be treated like they are just a faceless part of some group. Not all women want the same thing. Take us writing nerds for example. πŸ˜› We might value books over shoes when that isn’t a “typical” woman would value.
        What makes one person feel valued and loved doesn’t necessarily make another feel those things, regardless of gender.
        This is why I love the five love languages. It was a lot more helpful in getting to understand a person’s needs, and it didn’t base anything on gender. lol

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      3. I would go one step farther and say that there’s no such thing as a “typical” woman who prefers shoes — that that’s a stereotype we’ve all been fed by movies and commercials, trying to get us to believe in self-fulfilling assumptions about what women and men are “supposed” to be like in our society. Like how men aren’t supposed to cry, or feel romantic, or know how to clean the house.

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      4. I agree. There are a lot of things pressed on us by movies and ads that sometimes just morph into us or others around us subconsciously. Most people conform to whatever it is that is supposed to be normal without questioning it.
        If you look at the history behind why women shave their legs, you’d see how ridiculous these standards for women are. Basically every woman feels pressure to shave every part of their body until they resemble a hairless rat simply because someone wanted to make money off of selling these new and wonderful inventions called women’s razors. πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      5. It really is insane, how much of our beauty standards have been created by marketing executives to sell more products to us. And yet they are so ingrained in us by now that they seem totally natural and obvious.

        Liked by 1 person

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