We all know that writers are just a bit insane. I mean they make people up, hear voices in their head, and have a mental breakdown because they can’t figure out how to get Sindy-loo-snoo (their made-up person) out of the burning building surrounded by evil sorcerers, surrounded by a zombie army, surrounded by spaceships filled with giant lobster aliens.
Yeah, these writer people ARE insane.
So, for you entertainment (and for my own amusement), I’ve made a list comparing writers with the definition of insanity.
Wikipedia’s definition of insanity: a spectrum of behaviors characterized by certain abnormal mental or behavioral patterns. Insanity may manifest as violations of societal norms, including a person becoming a danger to themselves or others.
People who are insane writers have abnormal mental patterns.
- Normal people listen to the radio while driving. Writers don’t need a radio to keep them entertained; they have the voices in their head for that.
- Normal people have social interactions with people and think of them as, well, social interactions. Writers have social interaction with people and think of them as building a database to use to create new characters (a.k.a. little minions to their bidding).
- Normal people stay in the kitchen while cooking. Writers take off running to save their imaginary character from the burning building surrounded by evil sorcerers, surrounded by…well you know…and let their chili boil over and their cornbread burst into flames.
If the above examples don’t convince you that writers have abnormal mental patterns, take a look at this.
This is what a writer’s mind looks like when they are working on their story. Actually, this is what a writer’s mind always looks like because they are always thinking about their story.
If this doesn’t look like an abnormal mental pattern, I don’t know what does.
People who are insane writers violate societal norms.
Our society does not think that these are normal behaviors.
- refusing to go out on the weekends because it’s the only time you can write massive amounts of words
- using words like plot, character development, and view point in normal conversation
- shutting yourself in your basement for an entire day so you can carry on conversations between people who aren’t there and record them
- campaigning for schools and businesses to shut down in November for NaNoWriMo
Sorry writers. You’ve violated all these.
People who are insane writers are a danger to themselves and others.
You may not believe these writers can be dangerous. I mean, sure, they are a bit strange and given to erratic behavior, but they aren’t actually harming anyone.
Let me enlighten you before your innocent delusion puts you in danger of being harmed by a insane person writer.
Here’s a little story to illustrate.
Beth, a writer, gets on her computer to begin working toward her word-count goal for the day. Inspiration hits and words flow from her fingers like rain drops from storm clouds. She sits there for hours not aware that her stomach is growling and her throat is dry. Thanks to her delusion of a would and people that don’t exist, she is slowly starving and becoming dehydrated.
Beth is so enthralled that she doesn’t realize her three-year-old has been entertaining himself by coloring on the walls and wrapping everything in toilet paper, while her husband (who doesn’t have that wonderful whirlwind of inspiration to sustain him) has fainted from hunger.
Never put your guard down when you are around a writer. They won’t stop at putting themselves in danger. You are a small sacrifice to pay for their story.
If none of what I’ve just said convinces you that writers are completely insane, here’s one that admits to it.
If you or anyone you know is thinking of becoming a writer, please save yourself and them from this madness known as writing. Spread the word. Don’t be responsible for flaming cornbread or three-year-olds coloring on the walls.
Be sane. Don’t write.
I hope you all enjoyed this post, and that I’ve encouraged you to stop writing. 😉 Let me know what you think of this post and what your favorite insane writer habit is.